I have a penchant for naming inanimate objects. I can’t help it. This is something I’ve always done. I’ve named almost every car I’ve owned, and many other things that most folks wouldn’t give a second look. The weirdness of it hasn’t escaped me, but it brings me happiness.
Almost as much happiness as secretly assigning derogatory nicknames to people I don’t like. But that’s another post, for another time.
Many people I know suffer from the same compulsion to name objects, but most stop with naming their cars. I’m afraid I name more than I’m willing to fess up to.
But I’ll spot you a few. Some of my favorite inanimate objects have included (and yes, many of my cars made the list, at least to provide some semblance of normalcy):
The Couch: The 1982 Mercury Grand Marquis that I drove for several years when I first moved to town in 1997. A friend used to regularly sit in the back seat when I picked him up, proclaiming loudly that if the car had a TV and fridge in the back, he’d live in it. Had I had the money, I might have refurbished that beauty instead of donating it, although I don’t believe a TV and fridge would have made the list of necessary amenities. Plus, I’m really glad I donated it.
Funky Brown: The crazy 70s wooden lamp I bestowed upon my friend Casey when I downsized my furniture. Casey was the only one who I knew appreciated Funky Brown as much as I did, and my giving it to him involved much ceremony.
Syrup: The comforter my younger sister had in college that I still like to use to curl up on the couch. As it now receives regular washings, it no longer smells like syrup, though the cat pretty often thinks it’s a cool place to hurl.
Yellow Banana: My first car in high school, a ’79 Olds Cutlass. No guess there – it was indeed yellow. I’m not sure why I felt compelled to use the color in the name instead of just calling it “Banana.”
Garlic: The hedgehog ornament that comes out every holiday season. I have NO idea how that name came about. I think my younger sister and I thought he looked like he’d be smelly if he were real.
Christine: My second car in high school, an ’87 Ford Taurus. It had a mind of its own, and left a path of annihilation in its wake. This destructive force had nothing to do with its driver, of course.
Hendrix: My current car, a 2001 Mazda Tribute. A friend actually helped with the name, saying it was black and funky and smooth, like Jimi Hendrix. Unfortunately, it’s also following Jimi’s legacy of falling apart at a young age. I can’t get it to kick the oil habit.
So fess up. You know you’ve named your fair share of things that couldn’t sock you in the nose in their own defense. The question of the hour is…what?
–AE
Posted by Tiny Shay on 9 August 2008 at 11:31 am
Garlic actually smelled a little like garlic, if I’m not mistaken. It was strange because it–I’m sorry, HE–smelled that way straight out of Pier One.
Oddly, I’ve never named any of my cars, even the ones that stick around for a long time. I’ve tried to think of names, but they never seem just right. I do recall Deb suggesting “Petals” (or “Pedals?”) for my Sundance, which I thought was kind of cute.